"To Love and To Cherish Until Death Do We Part"

Wow, today is our 36^th wedding anniversary!  “Where did the time go?!”  It seems Olin and I have always been married; and then, like only a few weeks ago that we said our “I dos” to each other.  To say that there have been adventures in the past 36 years is putting it very mildly!!   Has it always been “wine and roses”?  NO!!!  Have there been “mountain top experiences”?  MANY!!  And in between those two extremes, I am pretty sure is where the answer to the above question is found.  God, Olin, and I have rejoiced together, rolled up our sleeves and worked through whatever was before us, or cried and took comfort from each other’s love. Of course, there were times (I must admit way too many) that Olin and I let each other down.  Thank you dear Lord for carrying us through those times that we were more interested in serving self than You and our spouse.

To say that marriage is in trouble today is, at the very least, a gross understatement!  I hope that what I write will help young married women or women still praying for their future husband to run the race and finish well in God’s sight.  In Titus 2: 3-5 it gives the mandate to older women (I’m 59 yrs. old; I qualify.) “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.”   I fear that today, all too often, young couple’s “I do”; really means, “I’ll try until I deem it isn’t what I really wanted or until I find something better.”  In most wedding vows are the words, “for better or worse, in sickness and health to love and to cherish until death do us part”.  You have or will someday may make this promise to him and to GOD!  That is a promise that was meant never to be broken!

 So once the gravity of becoming Mrs. Olin Miller really set in, I read LOTS of books, prayed many hours--but not nearly enough, rolled up my sleeves and began the journey of being Olin’s helpmeet, mother of his children, and keeper of his home.  No small order; but with God’s help at every corner, I would not trade it for ANY OTHER job in the entire world!  It fact it isn’t a job, but a gift!   This gift as you carefully unwrap it only continues to become more cherished and alluring; but only, as you give it the proper care that a gift of this magnitude deserves. Remember the silver you were given as wedding gifts?  Just like each piece you were given, if you take care of it daily and polish it weekly it will shine brightly and reflect your image.  Ignore it and it will become so tarnished, eventually so black that you will have a TERRIBLE time ever getting it back to its original state.  Your marriage is exactly like the silver you were probably given or may be given as gifts!!!

Because of your husband, (God’s gift to you) you are blessed to help add names to the Toledoth.  Not acquainted with word Toledoth, Olin and I would highly recommend you getting the DVD, “The Next Name in the Toledoth” from Worldview Academy and viewing it together—it is excellent!   Children are truly a blessing from God and will hopefully see decades in the future that you will not.  What legacy do you want them to leave?  What kind of life’s partner do you want them to be?  What do you want your grandchildren, great-great grandchildren or if the Lord should tarry longer the last grandchildren of yours to live on this earth to stand for and do for the Lord?  You and your husband are raising children that will one day hand the baton you handed them to their children.  Make sure it is securely in their hand so they can build upon it and do the same with your grandchildren!  Remember more is “caught than taught”!   You and your husband are your children’s primary teachers and your marriage is their classroom.  This gift of marriage takes lots of prayer, creativity, time, tears and work on your part!   You and your husband, in God’s eye, have become one and the job you do together  parenting your children will either be an influence through the generations of excellence and glory given to God or much, much less.  The choice is yours ladies!!!  So much depends on you, the keeper of his home, and how YOU handle the situations in your marriage.

It is said that marriage is a 50/50 proposition.  I am here to tell you that that is FALSE!!! Many times you or your husband will be required to do much more than that.  With God’s help and guidance I have always been surprised how sweet a memory the difficult time was and that in so doing whatever was required, all our needs and many of our wants were also met.  Ruth Bell Graham is report to have said that it was the Lord’s job to change Billy; her job was to love him.    Love covers a multitude of sin and forgiveness next to a home being built on Christ is second most important corner post of any marriage.   I would not say never go to bed without ending a argument; but if you, DO NOT GET UP WITH AN ATTITIDE OR GRUDGE against the man you love!!  If you are well rested a disagreement is sometimes much more easily settled.  Ladies, if you cannot reach an agreement, God put the husband in charge of your marriage.  Since you said “I do” this is where you now say “I will” go with your decision, even though I do not agree.  This is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  But since the decision was in no way going against God’s law, for the good of my marriage and our family I went along and pray for a good outcome of the decision.  If you are in a similar situation and fighting this idea, I can only tell you to do it.  I’m counting on God’s instruction manual of marriage and the fact that in so doing it God will receive glory, if my attitude is right.  There’s the rub!

If you are having a disagreement with your hubby, or he has done something that has hurt you (ladies he may not even know that he hurt you) please go and read Darlene Schacht’s, The Time-Warp Wife.  I love her blog, it is a wonderful help and encouragement to me in being a Godly wife.  I so encourage you to become a follower of her and those like-minded blogs that help us think on “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”  Philippians 4:6

My RX for having a marriage that lasts, “for better or worse, in sickness and health to love and to cherish until death do you part”, is first and always relying on God.  The only thing that is more important than your husband is your relationship with God.  Pray for your husband always.  One of my favorite books is Stormie Omartian’s The Power of a Praying Wife.  Pray together often and put yourself last in the relationship.  Remember we were made their helpers not visa versa.  In so doing, you will be VERY surprised and thankful what will happen to your relationship.  One of my most used quotes around here is, “If it isn’t going to matter in a hundred years, why am I getting upset about it now”.  Forgiveness is so important.  When I know I am right and feel like I cannot forgive Olin, I quickly hear my voice praying the Lord’s Prayer to our girls each night for years. . . “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.”  Forgiveness is a choice we make, being rewarded not only here on earth but also in heaven.    When I say I love you it means exactly that.  It is not dependent upon what you do or have not done.  Again, it is a choice on my part and yes sometimes love can look like just hanging on with hopes of a better day around the bend! Finally, a great gift I gave myself and my family is purposing in my heart before I was married that divorce was NOT a word that would EVER come out of my mouth!  Again a choice, a line drawn in the sand and most of all I said “I do” and that means I WILL, by God’s unfailing grace!

Is our marriage perfect? NO!   While writing this post my heart has been telling me I don’t do this or I sure could be better at that.  That of course goes without saying, we are all human.  In writing this, I have added to my goals as a wife in 2011.    Oh, a note to you younger women who also have blogs—your posts have been so heartwarming!  This married woman of 36 years has learned so much from you.  Thank you so much!  One of the goals I have for us is to create a unique “date-night” each month.  Hopefully they too will become a special part of our marriage.  In closing I would like to leave you with a favorite poem of my on marriage.  I hope you too will enjoy it through the years!

Marriage Takes Three

Marriage takes three to be complete;

It’s not enough for two to meet.

They must be united in love

By love’s Creator, God above. 

Then their love will be firm and strong;

Able to last when things for go wrong,

Because they’ve felt God’s love and know

He’s always there, He’ll never go.

And they have both loved Him in king

With all the heart and soul and mind

And in that love they’ve found the way

To love each other every day.

A marriage that follows God’s plan

Takes more than a woman and man

It needs a oneness that can be

Only from Christ-

Marriage Take Three.

Beth Stuckwisch